new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
