Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
