they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
