ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
