i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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