i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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