Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
