so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
