My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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