everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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