i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
