we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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