Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
