I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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