So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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