I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She just used a chaser for red wine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
