Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
