im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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