we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
