I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
