That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
