I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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