You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
