the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize