i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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