i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
