u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
