I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
