You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
