It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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