i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
