Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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