there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
wow bdsm is so cute
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
