Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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