Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
