thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i will never coherently bang her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
