But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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