my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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