Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
