why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I FOUND THE LEGS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
