she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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