You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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