I accidentally had phone sex last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
