So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
