He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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