Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
