I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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