Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
