She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
