i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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