mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
