Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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