Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
