I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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