i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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