Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
