Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
