You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize