Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize