WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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