u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
