I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize