That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
