Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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