The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
