you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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