I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
