How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
