shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
