dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
