Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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