Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize