I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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