I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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