You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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