Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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