Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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