I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sponge bath it is.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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