That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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