He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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