Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize