You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
