Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
