Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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