I will die if light touches me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
